Poetry of the Soul

Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn. ~Thomas Gray

I Don’t Belong November 11, 2009

Filed under: poetry — laurenmichelleotheim @ 7:13 pm

I don’t belong here,

Shoulders slumped and head bent.

This is a world of confidence

Head held high

Shoulders smoothed straight.

The weight of mistakes, double takes,

Anger, violence, facades and fakes

Has bowed me down

Low and scared.

I don’t belong here,

Shoulders slumped and head bent.

Prop me up with boards

Hidden beneath baggy sweatshirts

Tapped back, shoulders straight.

Paint a mask of smiles to my face

Bright red wounds ripping a smile through.

I don’t belong here,

Shoulders slumped and head bent.

Clothes too tight too my body

Yet my jeans still aren’t small enough.

I hunch into my clothes, wondering

If I starve myself today if my new shirt

Will finally look good.  Thin, slim.

I don’t belong here,

Shoulders slumped and head bent.

Crisscrossed arms veiled by long sleeves

Even in Summer’s heat.

Asked, brisk answers about pale skin, cancer.

Tissues instead band-aids,

Afraid someone would notice them missing.

If you let them sit there till soaked, they stick.

I don’t belong here,

Shoulders slumped and head bent.

Heels make me taller

The clickety-clack, powerful.

I hide behind them

The sense of professionalism.

No one can attack me

When I am too distant to talk to.

I don’t belong here,

Shoulders slumped and head bent.

The pistol rests on the counter

Cold.  Pristine. Waiting.

For me.  It would be so easy

To Disappear.

To end.

Finally something explicitly me

Somewhere I can belong.

Shaking hands.

Realizing I didn’t have the guts to by bullets.

Just a gun.

I leave it there.

Someone notice

Make me belong.

(c) Lauren Otheim – 2009

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5 Responses to “I Don’t Belong”

  1. laurenmichelleotheim Says:

    Because of responses to previous poems I have posted, I feel the need assert that I did not write this poem because I am currently depressed. I am not personally dealing with cutting or thoughts of suicide, etc. I wrote this poem not as an expression of myself but of others. When reading this, please do take it as a cry for help, but not for me. Rather let this allow insight, or begin the thought process towards what others are dealing with. I wrote this as a way for myself to explore what others are going through to the best of my ability. And though I know this doesn’t allow me to feel their pain, it does allow me to process.

  2. jon Says:

    I like this very much. I know many of those very things portrayed here, a little too close for comfort… My past is riddled through with pain and depression, and you painted the picture well… Like a parable, perfect poetry. Only fully understood by those whom it identifies with. Well written lauren, I really enjoy your poetry. Keep at it – you will make a difference.

  3. laurenmichelleotheim Says:

    Thank you so much. I am so sorry that you have had to deal with this kind of pain. I really just wanted to try and explain what it feels like to the rest of the world, to the best of my ability. I really appreciate your comment and it makes it even more meaningful since you have gone through this and you still believe that it paints the picture well.

  4. Jennifer Says:

    You did write this well – the repetition of shoulders slumped, head bent, is a powerful technique and image. The reader feels the pain of the persona. You are talented.

  5. laurenmichelleotheim Says:

    Thank you. I was sincerely hoping that I would be able to convey the emotions.

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